im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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