im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
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He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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