I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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