apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
