We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize