i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize