she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
