There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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