I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize