i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
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Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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