I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
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Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
only you would photoshop your dick
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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