maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize