Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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