when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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