i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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