If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i believe in u and ur pee
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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