i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
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I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
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I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize