That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
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I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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