Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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