How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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