apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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