I didn't shave. On purpose
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize