Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize