Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
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If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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