I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
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I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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