Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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