12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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