Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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