you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize