At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
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I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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