If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize