I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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