So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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