They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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