i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize