great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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