I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
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Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
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wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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