Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize