The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
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okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
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He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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