just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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