honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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