We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
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she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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