Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
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I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
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Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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