my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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