I cannot find my penis.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
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got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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