you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
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it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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