I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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