i just wanna soil my oats bro
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
my poor anus
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize