oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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