a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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