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yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Randomize
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